the apple tree

I went to see a psychologist today. I wanted to tell someone about Porcia and the rest of them. The psychologist was a young woman who looked pretty nice. That was the only comforting thing about the session. She kept asking me simple questions yet I found myself confounded by most of them. Looking back, I realize I still haven't told her the entire concept of Porcia - i.e., why she's so much a part of me. My response to all of her questions made Porcia seem one-dimensional when it's exactly the opposite. Porcia is one of the few people to me who have depth. That's why I'm kinda guilty that I went; my deer-caught-in-the-headlights answers gave the psychologist a clear-cut answer to my problems and made me seem almost childlike. But Porcia goes so much deeper than that. The most disturbing thing though was the psychologist had this tone of gentle indifference. Here I was pouring out my thoughts to someone who was indifferent. All in all it wasn't a ery pleasant experience.

I haven't been able to grasp any of them today, least of all Porcia, and I don't know if that's a curse or a blessing.

The psychologist signed me up for another meeting with her and for a meeting with a psychiatrist. I'm still debating whether I should go and risk another experience like this or just cancel the meetings altogether.

Where are you now, Porcia?